


Tell me you love me, I miss you (you’re too late)

by Kotlc



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Why do I do this to myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 07:15:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18048023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kotlc/pseuds/Kotlc
Summary: God I hate myself for doing this.Gerard knows. He knows from the distant looks that frank gets in his eyes sometimes, he knows because of how when they kiss, frank is always the one to break it off after a little bit and then always goes straight back to his phone without a single smile, not even a fake one. Gerard knows. He’s been holding onto a piece of rope and he’s reached the end. He’s falling now.





	Tell me you love me, I miss you (you’re too late)

He’s so tired. So tired of it all. Of feeling useless and meaningless and constantly  _not goood enough_ _._ It doesn’t help that frank hasn’t noticed a single thing. He’s also too preoccupied with his phone. Gerard knows he’s in love with someone else, just not who. The little, genuine, lovesick smiles at his phone and the barely noticeable blushes say it all. Because it’s the way he used to look at Gerard. And Gerard misses it. So much. That’s one of the rare emotions he feels. Other times he’s just... empty.

“Do you love me?” He’d ask Frank on occasions, but the other man would just pretend he didn’t hear him.

That’s a good enough answer for Gerard. His mind is blank as he opens the front door and gives a smile to Frank, saying,

“I’m going to meet with Mikey and Ray.” 

Frank nods, not even looking up.

”See you,” Frank says distractedly. “Love you.” 

He doesn’t mean it. Gerard can tell. Frank’s never been a very good liar. Gerard touches the place where his bandages are absentmindedly. He cut too deep last night. He gets in the car, turning on the ignition and driving over to Mikey and Ray’s place. Mikey smiles at him when he arrives, the first genuine smile he’s gotten in a while. The smile quickly turns into a frown, though. 

“God, you’re so thin!” Mikey exclaims, fussing over him as he steps out of the car. 

The older man gives him a smile and tells him not to worry. But in his mind he’s really thinking that he’s not worth worrying over. Ray greets him happily inside, offering him a seat on the couch that he gladly accepts. He almost leans into the contact, because frank always goes to sleep late and when Gee wakes up, the bed is usually cold and empty. He misses frank. He misses his hugs and his smiles and his kisses and his soft touch. And if Gerard goes through with the plan, he’ll never have that ever again. But maybe he’ll find someone better, someone who will always love him, the next life. Mikey doesn’t suspect a thing because they haven’t caught up lately because him and Ray have been busy.

”So how’s Frank?” Mikey asks casually, and Gerard freezes.

The lies come soon enough, though.

”He’s great,” Gerard replies in the same nonchalant tone. “We’re great. Frank’s amazing.”

”In bed?” Mikey asks, smirking.

Ray rolls his eyes at his partner’s words and Gerard gives him a fake laugh that’s been perfected over the past few months. They don’t notice a thing.

The three end up watching a horror film with crappy actors and CGI and they end up just laughing at it. The fake laughs turn real soon enough. It ends soon enough though, and Gee can’t help the wave of disappointment that washes over him. 

But Mikey and Ray have things to do and Gerard accepts that. He’s not mad or bitter or anything really. He drives home in silence. He could just pull the steering wheel. No. He has to wait. Just hold on for one more day and then it’ll be over. All of it. The pain, the suffering, but most of all the emptiness inside of him thats eating away at him like a black hole. In hind side, he thinks, reflecting, he should’ve known that it wouldn’t turn out well. He should’ve known that Frank was going to leave eventually. Everybody always does. 

Frank isn’t home when he gets back. Of course he isn’t. Gerard goes straight to the bathroom. The razor blades are where he put them last. Gerard just can’t resist the temptation. The first cut is relatively shallow, and the feeling of a cold metal blade pressing into his skin and the sting of pain is now familiar than Frank’s touch.

Please, he prays, come home Frank, come home. I need you.

But frank doesn’t come home. So as he lays on the floor, slowly bleeding out, he chuckled humorlesly as he raises his trembling, bloodied hands to type, ‘Last chance: do you love me, Frank?’

No reply. It’s a good enough answer for Gerard. 

 

Frank comes home late that night to find Gerard’s body on the bathroom floor, eyes still half open, mouth tilted in a half smile. Frank screams and screams and screams until his voice is gone, because he knows it’s his fault. He chose not to answe Gee. The last thing he ever sent to Frank was a question that asked about his love. Frank wished he could turn back time, go back and stop himself from making his mistakes, stop himself from doing this to Gerard, because he didn’t deserve this, any of this. Gerard deserved so munch better than Frank. But he chose Frank and Frank left him. Frank left him for someone not nearly as good or as sweet and caring as Gee. Gee has done so much for him and he threw it all away. 

Mikey and Ray are furious. Furios at themselves and at frank. They curse themselves for not noticing. But how could they? Gerard had been hurting for so long he’d learned to hide the pain perfectly behind a mask of a perfected smile. 

 

The funeral is small, but millions mourn his death. Frank is empty and hollow, and now he knows what Gerard felt all those months. He finally knows the feeling—or rather absence of feeling that was there. 

“Yes,” Frank whispers. “I do love you.”

”Too late,” the wind whispers back.


End file.
